Monday, 13 April 2020

Goop Lab Trials III

And so here we are again. Time to try out another wellness idea explored by The Goop Lab with Gwyneth Paltrow in their Netflix series.

This week we are trialling the energy healing techniques from episode 5. The idea is that we all have stress, pain and trauma trapped within our bodies and by pulling on the correct energy strings, we can perform energy healing by extracting these negative energies from our bodies.

In a more practical sense, its essentially giving someone a massage without actually touching them with them then making increasingly bizarre and embarrassing sounds while you, let me reiterate this, don't touch them. Well, that's not quite the whole story... between tugging on their energy strings, there does seem to be a lot of bum touching but I'm not convinced that this isn't simply delusional cranks taking advantage of trusting clients.

To facilitate these Goop Lab trials, I've now set myself up with a literal lab of my own, and this particular trial was ideal to try it out for the first time. So I got Amanda to lie down on my newly set up massage table.

As I started tugging on the invisible energy strings above Amanda's body, she began to feel a tingling sensation. Encouraged by this, I furiously waved my arms around, extracting every last ounce of negative energy from her body. However, it seems that she actually just needed to go for a pee.

With her bladder emptied, she returned to my table and we tried again. As hard as I tried pulling on the imaginary... I mean her invisible energy strings, I'm not convinced that I was achieving anything. Amanda maintains that I did manage to scratch an itch in the middle of her back but I'm no convinced that I even managed to do that.

Nevertheless, when we'd concluded the trial session, I sat Amanda down in my sitting area and got her to record a testimonial saying how life-changing my energy healing treatments had been. Because apparently, if you have video testimonials saying how good your treatments are, then at least some people are going to believe them, no matter how ridiculous or implausible what is said in them is.

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