Saturday, 21 May 2022

Keeping it going for Masturbation Month

OK, so how are we looking at the end of week 3 of Masturbation Month?

Well, not to bad but not as good as I had hoped. After ramping it up last week, I'd hoped to continue that momentum this week. As it turned out, I've had a pretty hectic week so not as much time available for fapping as I'd have liked.

Regardless, my total for week 3 is still a very respectable 9 faps, which takes me to a total of 25 faps in 21 days. So, even if I'm down on last week's total, I still managed to build a bit more of a margin over the 1 fap a day average that I'm aiming for as a minimum for the month.

Faps per day during week 3

Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday
2 0 2 1 2 1 1

I don't think there is any doubt that I can manage to masturbate another 6 times in the remaining 10 days of Masturbation Month. But how far beyond 31 can I get? I think 40 could be do-able but I've got another busy week coming up so it's tough to call it.

Where this week has excelled is in terms of how interesting some of masturbation sessions have been. You probably have seen that I enjoyed some masturbation training with Caligula at the start of last week. That was certainly quite an experience, especially since we were both masturbating to my Try Not To Cum Challenge video on the biggest home TV screen that I think I have ever seen!

But I also had a very interesting experience at the local dogging site. I went along expecting to sit in my car whilst pleasuring myself to the view of some exhibitionist couples getting their fuck on for all to appreciate.

It was very quiet when I arrived though and no-one fucking at all. Not even a single couple!

So I stepped up and put on a show for one very lucky car. With the headlights shining brightly in my eyes, it was hard for me to see who was in the car. No idea whether it was someone going solo or perhaps a couple. 

All I know is that I made sure that nothing was left to their imagination as I fingered the fuck out of my pussy with my legs spread wide especially for whoever may be watching.

Yup, that was a very thrilling masturbation session, no doubt about it!

Friday, 20 May 2022

What is masturbation?

All of my furious fapping for Masturbation Month got me wondering, what actually counts as masturbation?

If you've been following me for any length of time, you will have surely noticed that I am a big fan of Lovense sex toys. Even for any first time readers out there who are visiting me for the very first time, I think the big banner at the top of the page is a pretty big give away as well.

But should any self-pleasure sessions where I use any of my toys count towards by fap total for the month? This is what I found myself pondering when I was tallying up my number of faps for week 2 of my Masturbation Month challenge.

My personal view has always been that the use of sex toys still constitutes masturbation. At the end of the day, it is the self-pleasuring part that is the crucial factor. Not how you choose to actually do it.

The question is, does my own personal definition of what is and isn't masturbation fit with what the experts say? I thought that the only way to solve this quandary would be to pull out a few dictionaries and see how they define it. It seems that they don't all agree though! Let's see what they say...

"If someone masturbates, they stroke or rub their own genitals in order to get sexual pleasure."

"The act of touching or rubbing your sexual organs in order to give yourself sexual pleasure."

"Erotic stimulation especially of one's own genital organs commonly resulting in orgasm and achieved by manual or other bodily contact exclusive of sexual intercourse, by instrumental manipulation, occasionally by sexual fantasies, or by various combinations of these agencies."

"Physical self-stimulation of the genitalia in order to produce sexual pleasure, often resulting in orgasm."

So, as you can see, the Collins Dictionary and Cambridge Dictionary are quite strict in limiting masturbation to touching yourself via rubbing and stroking.

Merriam-Webster, on the other hand, is far more all-encompassing and allows for all sorts of acts to be included under the masturbation umbrella. It even explicitly states that stimulation via sex toys (a much simpler translation for "instrumental manipulation") is a form of masturbation

And the Oxford English Dictionary seems to choose be vague about it. Whilst I reckon it implies that the stimulation comes from touching yourself, it does not categorically rule out the possibility that the physical self-stimulation could come from you manipulating a sex toy. 

I think the take away here is that these dictionary definitions tend to lean more towards the view that masturbation is simply performed with your own body and not with the aid of external items.

But perhaps we should take these definitions with a pinch of salt? For instance, should we question how contemporary these definitions are? It could be that they were they conceived at a time when sex toy use was not as prevalent as it is today.

""Masturbation is more than physical exploration, its mental. Think you've grown feelings for someone or have an amazing idea? Rub one out and clear your mind of the fog, your true feelings will be relieved."

My dictionary knowledge is not sufficient to say whether any of these definitions are more relevant in contemporary society than the others or how diligent each dictionary is when it comes to modernising or updating definitions to better fit the current times.

I will say, and this is purely coincidence, that I have a pre-conceived notion that the Merriam-Webster is a more modern feeling dictionary than the others which all have a very old-fashioned feel to them. If that is a fair assessment (a big if), then it is no surprise that Merriam-Webster is the one that gives a definition which is by far the most comprehensive and considers elements which older definition may not.

However, even the Merriam-Webster definition leaves me with questions. Where do we draw the line with toys that can be controlled remotely? If a partner is vibing one of my Lovense toys that I am wearing, is that still masturbation? It seems like it could be considered long-distance sex instead because I'm not the one controlling the pleasure. But if we are controlling each other's toys, could it be argued that it is actually mutual masturbation? Oh, jeez that's another can of worms that I don't even want to get into right now...

Instead, I think I'm just going to stick with my original gut feeling that masturbation is simply the act of stimulating your genitals for self-pleasure. How you deliver that stimulation to yourself is entirely up to you.

And for that reason, I will continue to include getting myself off with my sex toys in my Masturbation Month grand total!

""Don't ever hesitate to treat yourself to an amazing self-love session whenever you feel that urge 💋bzzz ✋💦"
Reena Rain

Wednesday, 18 May 2022


Cumpadre - "A jack off buddy or a friend that you get together with for sessions of solo or mutual masturbation.

Formed by combining 'cum' and 'compadre' (a companion). Variant of cumpanion and wank bud", Urban Dictionary

"They aren’t dating or in a relationship. They're just cumpadres who like to climax together."

Monday, 16 May 2022

A change of musical pace

After an evening of bonkers, over the time music from an eccentric bunch of performers from around Europe (and one, slightly randomly, from Australia), last night was a much more cultured and sedate affair at yet another Pianos in the Park concert.

Amanda and I had hopped to enjoy Eurovision whilst sat outside but, although the temperature remained warm, there was some drizzle in the air which obviously would not have mixed well with her TV.

No such problems tonight though so it was lovely to be able to sit out in the nice weather while enjoying some music. The perfect way to finish off the weekend before the start of what will no doubt be yet another hectic week.

Sunday, 15 May 2022

Making sense of Eurovision

What makes the Eurovision Song Content so great? Bizarre, oftentimes campy, songs that feature bombastic performances that just would not make the slightest bit of sense outside of this competition. Novelty songs that are pretty terrible but are delivered with so much joy and energy that it is impossible not to enjoy them.

Of course, when it comes to winning the competition, we all know that the voting gets very political with neighbours always voting for each other regardless of how deserving the songs are. I mean, Serbia and Montenegro giving each other maximum points? Don't pretend like you are surprised by that.

With all that being said, I think we can all agree that there was only ever going to be one winner this year. I think the only surprise was that the judges votes only put Ukraine in 4th. That they picked up an almost perfect score for the public votes was no surprise at all. It wasn't the best song but it was always going to get the sentimental vote. Thankfully it wasn't a terrible song.

As someone cheering on the UK in a rare competitive outing, it was heart breaking to see song race into a lead after the judges votes were tallied, only for that lead to be delimitated by the public votes. It was entirely expected though and it was just nice to not be getting nil points for once. Normally, we are the Eurovision pariahs that no-one wants to support.

Elsewhere, I was disappointed not to see Norway do better with their "Give the Wolf a Banana" song. This is exactly the sort of bonkers novelty song which perfectly encapsulates what Eurovision is all about. Especially when you consider how many dull ballads there were this year. So many of them!

And a word for poor Germany who occupied the UK's usual position. Although not the strongest song, I still though it was OK and much, much better than the terrible efforts from France, Switzerland and, in particular, Iceland.

My predicted top 5

1st - Ukraine 2nd - UK 3rd - Norway 4th - Spain 5th - Italy

Mind you, I still feel that the best song submitted this year was somehow eliminated in the first semi-final. As I mentioned the other day, Latvia's "Eat your salad" is a fantastic song and is another that perfectly fits Eurovision. Bonkers lyrics about a silly subject with a bright and energetic performance is exactly what I want. 

I can't help but feel that the odds were stacked against them by their own lyrics though. Do the Eurovision organisers really want to broadcast a song where the first to lines are "Instead of meat, I eat veggies and pussy | I like them both fresh, like them both juicy". 

And then later on in the song we have "Bend over, then jiggle that peach | You're recycling while I'm loving those cheeks". Nut probably most egregious is the expletive laden chorus of "Eat your salad, save the planet | Being green is sexy as fuck". Not sure I have ever heard of a Eurovision song including the f-bomb before.

Regardless of the travesty of the best song not even making the final, let alone winning, it was still a fun night of celebrating all that is silly about European music (and the random inclusion of Australia... someone please explain that one to me!). Long may it continue being held every year!

The acutal top 5

1st - Ukraine 2nd - UK 3rd - Spain 4th - Sweden 5th - Serbia

Saturday, 14 May 2022

Another week of non-stop masturbation

According to one of my Twitter followers, going for just one fap a day is for rookies and I need to pump my numbers. So for week 2 of Masturbation Month, I've doubled my efforts to maximise my self-pleasuring. 

Apart from my birthday on Thursday when I was too busy for any masturbation (very disappointing, I know!), I've been committed to multiple masturbation sessions whenever possible. So what is my tally for this week? A very respectable 11 faps, which is more than double what I managed during week 1 and brings me to a total of 16 for the month so far.

Faps per day during week 2

Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday
1 2 2 1 0 3 2

While this means that I'm only 2 faps up on my minimum target for the first two weeks, I'm still happy with that nevertheless, as I entered the week on 2 fap deficient from week 2 so there was a handy 4 fap swing in my favour. Hopefully I can continue to build more of a margin during week 3.

And what was my favourite fap of the week? That would be Monday night in the shower. Getting wet in more ways than one is so fucking hot!

Even more birthday cake

Given how much cake I scoffed on Thursday, I think it was a sensible call by Amanda to hold off on giving me the cake that she had prepared for my birthday until our traditional Eurovision Song Contest watch party.

This year she baked a quadruple chocolate cake which she cleverly shaped into the shape of a heart. I can assure you it was absolutely yummy, as evidenced by the fact that we scoffed the whole thing down between just the two of us.

She did admit to going cheap on the number of candles though, being unwilling to pay out for several packs. I don't mind though. It means no unwanted reminder of how old I'm getting. Yup, just the one candle to blow out will do. Obviously I made a wish when doing so but I'm not going to tell you what it was, otherwise it won't come true!

Also, apparently her little cabin has developed some sort of perpetual flower petal leak in the roof. So weird, huh?

Thursday, 12 May 2022

So much birthday cake

Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday and, especially, to the very generous anon who purchased me some very delicious chocolate treats from my wishlist. You can be sure that I will enjoy those immensely.

I spent the evening lounging around at Havasu Falls with Amanda catching up on all the latest gossip surrounding the Coleen Rooney vs Rebekah Vardy libel trial (Vardy totally leaked those stories to The Sun, no doubt about it) and getting set for Eurovision this coming weekend.

In fact, the only downer today was when I discovered that Latvia had been knocked out of Eurovision in yesterday's semi-final. To me, this is simply a travesty as their song, "Eat Your Salad", is without doubt the best Eurovision song ever. It is also more than a little bit rude which makes it even better.

Regardless, there are worse ways that one can spend their birthday so, all in all, a pretty nice day. Oh, and I ate plenty of cake today. Mostly because no one else was willing to help me out so I had to take it on myself. Can't let any cake go to waste!

Amanda promised me even more cake for when we gather together on Saturday for the Eurovision finals. So much cake! Think I'm going to need to get some good workouts in to burn those calories...

Tuesday, 10 May 2022

Zipless Fuck

A phrase coined by Erica Jong in the book "Fear of Flying" where she wrote "The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game . The man is not "taking" and the woman is not "giving." No one is attempting to cuckold a husband or humiliate a wife. No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone. The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is. And it is rarer than the unicorn. And I have never had one.”

She went on to write, "zippers fell away like rose petals, underwear blew off in one breath like dandelion fluff”, hence the name.
In other words, it is "a spontaneous sexual encounter between strangers with little or no personal information exchanged. It is absolutely pure, seemingly free of all remorse and guilt. It could be considered the highest plateau of casual sex and the perfect one night stand." (Urban Dictionary).

Walking into an elevator, locking eyes with another and, without further ado, proceeding to engage in hot, passionate sex between the 5th and 45th floors. You finish, compose yourselves, and go your separate ways, never to meet again.

Monday, 9 May 2022

Only here to perv

Another horny trip to the Masturbation Club. Lots of sexy fucking to appreciate but no fapping to add to my Masturbation Month fap counter. I'd already had a fap a little earlier so wasn't quite in the mood to go again.

Regardless, I did get naked as there now seems to be a no clothes rule at the club. I am totally OK with that of course. Just don't answer that being nude means I was there to pleasure myself. I wasn't. It was just a casual perving trip and not a particularly long one at that.

However, by the time I got home, I was ready to go again so I doubled up for the day by getting myself off for a second time in a few hours. A very productive masturbation day for me!

You'll have to wait until the weekend to found out how well I'm getting on in my quest to average at least one fap a day across the whole month though. Let's just say that today definitely didn't do my chances of hitting that target any harm and leave it at that.

Saturday, 7 May 2022

One week of Masturbation Month

Well, we're nearing the end of the first week of Masturbation Month and my personal tally is currently sat at 5 times in 7 days.

Seems like I have a bit of work to do if I want to maintain a one a day average across the whole month!

There are still plenty of days to go though so I'm not too worried yet. I just need to pull double duty on a few days and everything will be back on track. Perhaps I should to get out to visit a few sexy clubs that will put me in a horny mood to help fuel my need to masturbate?

That said, I have spent some time at the Masturbation Club getting turned on by the sight of others, as I hinted I would the other day. The Masturbation Club only accounts for one of my faps though. The rest have all been in the privacy of my own room.

That's not to say that I won't be engaging in more public or communal masturbation in the weeks to come. We'll just see how the mood takes me. It just so happens that that's how things have worked out so far.

What has been me most pleasurable fap so far? I think that would be Thursday night, which you may or not be aware was also Make Out Day, aka The Big Smooch. 

Anyway, Amanda was feeling down because she had just finished setting up her brand-spanking new phone but, only then did it dawn on her that she would start her, that she had lost all her Wordle stats since there is no way to transfer them across from her old phone. (I mean, I would be gutted if I lost my 100% record!)

So, like any good friend would, I invited her over for some kissing to cheer her up. OK, it may not have been an entirely altruistic gesture as I was keen to tick Make Out Day off as another event that I've celebrated. Regardless, Amanda was totally into it and we both may have gotten a little bit carried away with all the kissing as I was left quite hot and flustered by the time she had to dash out to get her taxi home. 

I definitely succeeded in my goal of helping her forget her Wordle woes but, when she was gone, I was left lying on my hotel bed feeling very turned on with no one to satisfy my needs. Good job it's Masturbation Month then, huh? I won't even pretend that I wasn't thinking about her the whole time I was touching myself. 

Friday, 6 May 2022

Big dick archaeology

"Hey Amanda, are you thinking what I'm thinking? One giant stone dick for you and one giant stone dick for me!"

"Or maybe we could just share this one? Seems like one of these big stone dicks is more than enough dick for both of us actually..."

"On second thoughts, there's no way that either of us are going to be able to take any of these dicks! They are fucking huge! Look, the head of this cock is like twice the size of my head!"

Wednesday, 4 May 2022

May The Fourth Be With You

I genuinely question the wisdom and safety of holding a party in the burning husk of a stricken Imperial Star Destroyer.

But, with that being said, it is May 4th so I feel obliged to feel some Star Warsy vibes. And, well to my surprise at least, this is the only Star Wars themed party going on. So I have no choice really.

Suffice to say, I didn't hang around too long for feel of the ISD's reactors overloading and blowing us all up. I also didn't feel to safe hang around those TIE Fighter or Lambda Class Shuttle wrecks.

Tuesday, 3 May 2022

A month of masturbation

M is for May, Masturbation and Month. Put them all together and what have you got? That's right; we get a whole month dedicated to fapping.

Although, if for some unfathomable reason, you feel you really must limit yourself to just one day of self-pleasuring, you'll have to hold on all the way until May 28th for International Masturbation Day! 

I know that I will be taking advantage of it all month long as I am a strong advocate that a decent amount of masturbation is healthy for everyone. It is something that can be enjoyed by anyone regardless of gender, sexual orientation, age or relationship status. 

Besides being really fucking fun, it can be relaxing as it triggers the release of neuro-transmitters that regulate stress and can improve your mood. It has also been shown that regular masturbators are less prone to diagnosed with prostate cancer (amongst men) and can relieve menstrual cramps (amongst women). 

Fun Fact
As off writing this, it is the only the 3rd day of Masturbation Month and I have already fapped 3 times. I wonder, can I keep up an average of fapping once each day for the whole month?

Obviously, all of these benefits are also provided by having sexual, potentially to an even greater degree, but that is not a luxury that everyone has. In lieu of having a partner, fapping is a great alternative.  

It also plays an important role in us learning about our our bodies and exploring what we find pleasurable and what sort of response different things will produce. It is so much easier to tell a partner what you like, if you already know yourself. 

And for men who may struggle with lasting a decent amount of time, it can help build tolerance and stamina to prevent them from cumming prematurely when enjoying themselves with a partner.  

For all these reasons and more, we should all accept that masturbation is not something that should be considered taboo or shameful. Quite the opposite, in fact. And that is why Masturbation Month was born in 1995 to help promote everyone's right to enjoy masturbation without feeling ashamed or self-conscious.

A 2009 study showed that 84% of men and 72% of women aged 25-29 years old had masturbated in the last year. I don't think any of us will be surprised that men edge the stats when it comes to wanking but I find it encouraging that women are not really that far behind and that both figures are both relatively high.    

Fun Fact
The inspiration for Masturbation Month was an American Surgeon General who was fired the previous year for suggesting that masturbation was a topic that should be covered during sex education.

And I suspect that if such a survey was repeated now, both figures would be even higher. Between the long isolation that some have experienced due to Covid and the ever- increasing availability and selection of top quality sex toys, I find it hard to believe that more people than ever are not enjoying playing with themselves.

So what are you waiting for? Get down to the Masturbation Club or somewhere similar and share the joys of communal wanking by stripping off and pleasuring yourself in the company of other masturbation lovers. Possibly even me, if you time it right!

Monday, 2 May 2022

Great chat but not enough buzzing

I suppose it was inevitable that it would happen sooner or later but I finally drew a blank for not being able to cum during one of my buzz shows.

To be clear, the problem wasn't on my end!

It was just a very quiet day with not many peeps stopping by. No, that is an understatement as it was absolutely dead and, in the end I just had to give up and get myself off all on my own.

Continuing my recent trend, I set myself some goals that we could hit through out the show. We barely made it to the 'panties off' goal meaning that I only managed to get naked at the very end of the session and that was only after giving away a bunch of free dice rolls just to try to keep the buzzing going from the few guests I did have. My Hush remained unused as we didn't get anywhere near today's DP goal though. What a disappointment...

Well, maybe it wasn't quite that bad as I did have a few guests stop by who were fairly chatty so, even if there wasn't lots of buzzing going on, I wasn't sat there in silence talking to myself. Kind of ironic that the most engaged guests I've ever had came on a day where no-one else was interested. 

But it was nice to have some Lovense-themed discussions with a couple of other users and one perspective buyer who was interested in getting our thoughts and recommendations. Fingers crossed that, if she does decide to buy one of more recommendations, that she shows her thanks by using my affiliate link to earn me a little bit of commission.

Also, the buzzing that I did get was pretty damn good, even if everyone one seemed to be rolling really low (so many 2s!). I think it was quite obvious that I had a a few controllers who were quite familiar with controlling other's Lovense toys though. They knew exactly how to get me going. I just needed more to make me cum!
Today's High Rollers
  • MartijnNL
  • PrincesseEmma
  • Mojalow
  • InspectorRU
  • LizzyWright
  • GaryWright
  • Venzent