Cha cha cha

Amanda hosted our annual Eurovision party last year so it was my turn to host for the 2023 edition.

I don't think either of us had the same level of expectation for the UK performance this as we had last. However, the hype seemed to suggest that a respectable showing should still be on the cards. One which would put us comfortable in the midfield. How wrong we were...

But hey, at least it wasn't last or a nil points.

The disappointment of our our 2nd from last place finish aside, it was a decent show. The early performance were all a bit meh in my opinion. It wasn't until around the middle when things really got going with a run of strong performances that could all be expected to be in contention at the end of the night. 

Chief amongst those was the Finnish entry which embodied everything that I want from a good Eurovision song; catchy tune, great stage presence, fantastic presentation and completely bonkers.

Look, I'll admit it, I don't want some radio friendly song to win Eurovision. I want something that is just absolutely insane. Think Lordi when they won it or the crazy Israel winner from a few years back with all those waving cats.

Honestly, I thought the only thing that could stop Finland would be the judges vote and that's exactly how it turned out. I knew they would prefer Sweden's fantastic vocal perform of an OK song to Finland's nuts effort. The live crowd made their preference abundantly obvious with the constant "cha cha cha" chants for Finland and I was right there with them.

Oh, and one other thing that Finland had which actually seemed to be a bit of a recurring theme throughout the event was a hint of light bondage in the stage performance. Lots of leather, chokers and straps could be seen during various different performances with Serbia's Nine Inch Nails inspired performance being an early trend setter. Shame that Serbia was let down by such a poor vocal performance. More BDSM theming next year please! Amanda and I found that most exciting.

Elsewhere, I thoroughly enjoyed Australia's performance, which made my blood boil because it still bothers me that they are now part of Eurovision despite being halfway round the world on a completely different continent. Again, it ticked all the same boxes as Finland whilst just being a little more restrained.

The final spot in my personal top 3 was a toss up between Israel, who entered a pretty good pop song with a definite emphasis on the hottie factor of the singer, and Belgium, who had a very strong early 90s Take That vibe.

Rounding out my top 5 was Germany. Yes, that's the same Germany that finished last... I guess some people don't appreciate the weird and wacky, with this being yet another that could be put into that category. However, unlike with Finland and Australia, this one must have just been a little bit too wacky, for both the judges and the public. (On a side note, am I the only one who got Graverobber from Repo! The Genetic Opera vibes from the German singer?)

I'm not sure how Croatia was spared a similar fate to Germany as their performance was like an LSD nightmare. Possibly the most unhinged experience I've ever had when watching Eurovision. Yes, it was even too wacky for me. That said, the video package that they had for the stage show was top notch.

My least favourites were Portugal (a shit and boring song) and Slovenia (just a shit song). I'm really not sure how Portugal ended up with so many points. Likewise for Lithuania who, although she sand well, just had a boring song that had nothing going for it. That one should have easily been bottom half even if not troubling the very bottom of the table.

As for Sweden, well it was obvious they would get it from very early on which made the whole results portion of the show a bit of a non-event as it drained all tension for the proceedings. Oh well, on to next year!

Making sense of Eurovision

What makes the Eurovision Song Content so great? Bizarre, oftentimes campy, songs that feature bombastic performances that just would not make the slightest bit of sense outside of this competition. Novelty songs that are pretty terrible but are delivered with so much joy and energy that it is impossible not to enjoy them.

Of course, when it comes to winning the competition, we all know that the voting gets very political with neighbours always voting for each other regardless of how deserving the songs are. I mean, Serbia and Montenegro giving each other maximum points? Don't pretend like you are surprised by that.

With all that being said, I think we can all agree that there was only ever going to be one winner this year. I think the only surprise was that the judges votes only put Ukraine in 4th. That they picked up an almost perfect score for the public votes was no surprise at all. It wasn't the best song but it was always going to get the sentimental vote. Thankfully it wasn't a terrible song.

As someone cheering on the UK in a rare competitive outing, it was heart breaking to see song race into a lead after the judges votes were tallied, only for that lead to be delimitated by the public votes. It was entirely expected though and it was just nice to not be getting nil points for once. Normally, we are the Eurovision pariahs that no-one wants to support.

Elsewhere, I was disappointed not to see Norway do better with their "Give the Wolf a Banana" song. This is exactly the sort of bonkers novelty song which perfectly encapsulates what Eurovision is all about. Especially when you consider how many dull ballads there were this year. So many of them!

And a word for poor Germany who occupied the UK's usual position. Although not the strongest song, I still though it was OK and much, much better than the terrible efforts from France, Switzerland and, in particular, Iceland.

My predicted top 5

1st - Ukraine

2nd - UK

3rd - Norway

4th - Spain

5th - Italy

Mind you, I still feel that the best song submitted this year was somehow eliminated in the first semi-final. As I mentioned the other day, Latvia's "Eat your salad" is a fantastic song and is another that perfectly fits Eurovision. Bonkers lyrics about a silly subject with a bright and energetic performance is exactly what I want. 

I can't help but feel that the odds were stacked against them by their own lyrics though. Do the Eurovision organisers really want to broadcast a song where the first to lines are "Instead of meat, I eat veggies and pussy | I like them both fresh, like them both juicy". 

And then later on in the song we have "Bend over, then jiggle that peach | You're recycling while I'm loving those cheeks". Nut probably most egregious is the expletive laden chorus of "Eat your salad, save the planet | Being green is sexy as fuck". Not sure I have ever heard of a Eurovision song including the f-bomb before.

Regardless of the travesty of the best song not even making the final, let alone winning, it was still a fun night of celebrating all that is silly about European music (and the random inclusion of Australia... someone please explain that one to me!). Long may it continue being held every year!

The acutal top 5

1st - Ukraine

2nd - UK

3rd - Spain

4th - Sweden

5th - Serbia