Tuesday 13 February 2024

Where is the love?

This is not the party report that I wanted to write. It is the report that I have to write though. It fucking pisses me off that I have to be negative because that's not the sort of content that I want to share. Sometimes you simply have to call a spade a spade though, otherwise nothing will ever change. And I take no joy in this because I know that there will have been people that poured hours and hours of hard work into preparing this. Anyway, here we go...

Valentine's Day should be one of the easiest events of the year to put on a community-wide event for, especially within a community that is built around sex and relationships. So quite how the organisers of this one managed to fail quite so spectacularly to embrace that theme is quite beyond.

Maybe it shouldn't come as a surprise as I have lamented in the last few reviews of these mega-parties that they seemed to be on a downward spiral. So many of the things that were great about the early parties had fallen by the wayside.

But this one was on a whole other level because, ultimately, it was nothing more than a generic dance party. If you hadn't of seen the invite posters, that was absolutely nothing about it to tell you that it was for Valentine's Day.

Like, if you close your eyes for a moment and describe what comes to your mind's eye at the mention of Valentine's Day, I'm sure you will think of hearts and cupids. The cupids will often be styled after Eros, the Greek God of Love, and, by extension of that, a classic Greek aesthetic may also come to mind. 

So why the flying fuck was this party held in futuristic space cavern? It's like literally zero thought had been put into it other than "can we make a really impressive room that we can cram as many bodies into as possible?". The answer to that is yes but it completely misses the point.

And what makes it infinitely worse is that no consideration was given towards guest experience. This was an event entirely about getting as many people to attend as possible and not giving a shot about what they did once they arrived. Which is exactly why I have to call this bullshit out. Because, from an organiser's point of view, this event can be seen as a massive success on account of the huge crowd it drew, which will just lead to them putting on more and more events like this. 

From a guest's point of view though, it was style over substance. There was nothing to enjoy about this event at all.

If you think back to my report from the previous events, you may recall that the best ones all have some really interesting points of guest engagement. Activities that guest can take part into make the event a memorable experience. Think about the red carpet photo ops. Think about cosplay competitions. Think about Father Christmas meet and greets. Well, there was none of that this time.

It only takes a cursory glance at social media to notice that we are part of a community that is fucking obsessed with taking photos. The Lovense events had the red carpet experience that I just mentioned, as well as giant toy displays that guests could pose on. The Halloween event had a cosplay photo competition where guests could queue to have photos taken by official photographers. Christmas events had a Father Christmas, his elves and a sleigh that you could pose with.

But what photo ops did this event have? Were there official cupids that you could pose with for a quick pic? No! Was there a giant heart that couples could pose in front of? Nope!

And what makes this even more baffling is that there was an official competition to submit photos that were taken at the party along with some sort of romantic comment. How is that possible when there wasn't even the hint of love and romance about the party. No suitable displays to pose in front of. No themed areas where singles like me could go to try to meet other singles. No private areas for horny couples to go and fuck. 

I mean, the possibilities are endless... what about a speed dating area where singles could congregate to meet new people? I already mentioned photo opportunities such as displays and roaming cupids but i will say it again... there need to be official cupids acting as greeters and photo ops. Then you could also dedicate at least a small portion of the musical offerings to romantic slowdance opportunities. The list goes on...

Instead, there was literally nothing to do at this event except dance or sit at a bar. And dancing really wasn't an option for me as I have zero interest in the randomly inappropriate dance soundtrack. It seems like such a basic consideration; having music that evokes feelings of love and romance. Instead we got generic trance. Add that to the list of elements that had no tie to the theme. Loving and romantic, those tunes were not. 

A feeling of love was definitely not in the air tonight. In point of fact, the most romantic thing I saw all night was Emmy and Kemistry making out as I was heading for the exit.

And, as for me,  it's sad to say that the most noteworthy thing that I managed to do while there was to purchase a lollipop. I kid you not! And that's why I managed to hang around for barely an hour before getting fed up with the sorry state of affairs, and that was only because I managed to catch Jess before she had to leave. 

Apparently I'm not the only one that struggled to maintain aby sort of interest. With each passing event, celebs Gizmo and Lisa seem to show less and less enthusiasm for hanging around at these events to meet and greet fans. I don't recall seeing either of them at the recent Christmas party and I only saw Gizmo at this one for a very short while. So short, that I didn't even manage to sneak a quick picture of him.

I'm sure that I could continue to pick more holes in this event if I had the enthusiasm. But, just like when during my short appearance there, my interest in it has already run out. 

So, in closing, I will just say this; I hope that for future events, and I do hope that they continue to put on community events, I hope the organisers spend less time preaching on social media about what sort of guests are valid and how they should behave, and more time on actually creating an event that is relevant to the theme and provides some sort of memory experience to guest beyond the pain of being in such a crowded room.

Rant over...

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