The good news is that I made it back from the Squirt Game in one piece. The bad news is that I didn't come back with a giant glass piggy bank full of cash.
I gave it my all in the first round of Red Light, Green Light, but when we had to go through a second round of it, I fell at the very last moment. So close the to finish line was I, that I stumbled across it as I was being eliminated.
And, just in case you have somehow missed it, the rules of Red Light, Green Light are very simple (it is a kids game after all!), When the creepy doll at the far end of the field is turned away and says "green light", you can move. But as soon as it says "red light" and turns around, you have to stop as still as a statue. Even the slightest bit of movement, and you are eliminated. Get to the white line at the other end though, and you survive the round.
Sadly, I have no-one but myself to blame for my own elimination. Due to very conservatively tippy toeing along, I was lagging behind in the second round. Despite that, I was tantalisingly close to the finish line so I made the ill-judged decision to simply rush the line on my next go and hope for the best. I think we all know how that turned out...
But what is the fate of I and others when we were eliminated, you may ask? It is a very valid question given that we have clearly all made it out the other side alive.
Well, this is the Squirt Game. So each contestant was wearing a supercharged vibrator inside them. Upon elimination, a high power dose of vibrations direct to the G-spot made even the most determined of us go weak at the knees and fall to the ground in orgasmic pleasure. And that's how the squirt gets put in the Squirt Game.
So, in a sense, even the losers were winners! See, I knew it was going to be a wholesome experience which was not at sinister in anyway, shape or form.
